Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Dragon's Lair II: Time Warp - Dialogue

When I was a 11, my cousin, my brother and I would excuse ourselves after a hearty meal to go "jogging". In reality, we would skip over to the 7-11 to watch my 15 year-old cousin play Dragon's Lair (my brother and I were too young have our own quarters).

If you don't know Dragons Lair, here are some of its vital stats:
  • It was the first video game that cost two quarters instead of one to play
  • It was the first laser disc based video game
  • It was the first video game that used cel-based animation as opposed to computer rendered sprites
  • It was animated by Don Bluth, creator of "An American Tail," "All Dogs go to Heaven," and "Anastasia."
  • The short animated scenes were saved as tracks on the laser disc
  • User input (limited to up, down, left, right and sword) determined which scene would play next
  • If you executed the correct action, the story would play in the intended order
  • If you executed an incorrect action, another clip would play, where the main character, Dirk the Daring, dies
The video game kind of worked like a modern (well...modern for 1983) 2-XL. If you don't remember the 2-XL, it was a trivia "robot" that was based on an 8-Track tape player. The robot would ask you questions with multiple choice answers. When you pressed the button corresponding with the correct/incorrect answer, the player would change tracks and tell you if you were right or not.

My cousin could finish Dragon's Lair with one credit. That made him cooler than shit in my book. He would even die two times on purpose in the last scene to maximize his score (kind of like a cocky batter taking two strikes before hitting a pitch out of the park).

When I was finally old enough to pay for my own video game habit, I saw an old friend with a new face -- Dragon's Lair II: Time Warp.

I used to play it a lot at Ackerman Union at UCLA when I was a freshman. The game is great because the levels are themed and longer. The original game has dozens of short scenes where you would use the joystick or sword 5 or 6 times. Time Warp has 7 long levels where you have to execute dozens of actions.

In this game, Princess Daphne is kidnapped my the evil wizard Mordor. While searching for her, Dirk the Daring runs into Mordor's brother, who happens to be a time machine. Dirk travels to different times and surreal lands (including through Lewis Carrol's Looking Glass) to destroy Mordor and reunite himself with the Princess.

I just bought Dragon's Lair II: Time Warp for the PC off of eBay. My first contribution to the blogging world will be the complete dialog (with apologies for minor errors) from the game. Enjoy!

Level 1: At the castle

Queen: Kidnapped? I guess they kidnapped her again, idiot!
Don't talk!
You'd better find my daughter...or else!
I know you're in here!
I didn't raise a princess who'd marry a troll!
Hold still!
You can run, boy...
You cannot hide!
Scottish snake: Theif!
Time Machine: You must be Dirk, Dirk the Daring
Fetch me a drink from yonder well
Daphne's lost in the halls of time
A prisoner - she's...under a spell.
Hasten, lad, hurry, we'll bring her back!
and defeat the foul wizard - my brother in fact.
Scottish snake: Theif!
Queen: Oh, shut up!

Level 2: The Land Before Time

Mordor: Aha!
So, dear brother, you bring Dirk here
You curmudgenous clanky piece of junk.
Boil in the mud, you meddling old fool!
Dirk will be helpless once you've been sunk!
Ah ha ha!

You want Daphne? Go get her! Ha ha!
Daphne: My hero!
Time Machine: Get the sword! Hurry, son, hurry!
Mordor: Daphne's mine! Farewell, you fool!

Level 3: Through the Looking Glass

Twiddle Dee: How do you do...
Twiddle Dum: ...good sir knight?
Twiddle Dee: Will you join us...
Twiddle Dum: a fight?
Random Card: Make way for the queen, if you know what I mean! Weeee!
Queen of Hearts: Stop that bouncing!
Random Card: Off with her head! Off with her head!
Queen of Hearts: Assassin!
Mordor: Princess Daphne is mine, idiot!
Mad Hatter: After that rabbit!
Rabbit: One lump or two?
Mad Hatter: Don't mind if I do! After that rabbit!
Mordor: Farewell, fool! Ah ha ha!
Cheshire Cat (from Jabberwocky?):
Twas brillig and the sithy toves
did gyre and gimble in the wabe
all mimsy were the borogroves and the mome raths outgrabe
oh ha see ha ha ha!

Level 4: Eden

Cherub: Go away! No visitors!
Back! St-stop right there!
One more step and you're finished! Oooo!
Eve: Ooo -- yum yum!
Serpent: Hang on, brother, don't eat him!
Dirk here is our ticket to fame and fortune.
Lookie here...I'll get you the princesssssss...
If you bring Eve to me!
Eve: Oh, no, dear!

Level 5: Beethoven's Fifth

Time Machine: Dirk the Daring, stay put ol' chum!
Never fear a creative gust.
For the winds that upward reach
All too soon will downward sink!

Dirk! Over here!

Level 6: The Great Pyramids

Time Machine: We've found her this time, boy!
Daphne: Dirk...this way!
Dirk, I'm in here!
Hurry please!
Mordor: Ah ha ha!
Time Machine: Hurry, son, hurry!
Oooo -- it's hot! Oooo -- hot!
Dirk! Dirk! Dirk!

Level 7: The Grand Finale

Mordor: Ah ha ha! You fool!
You want Daphne? Ah ha ha! Go get her!
Daphne: Dirk! Dirk!
Dirk: D-Daphne!
Daphne: Dirk -- My hero!
Dirk Jr 1: Mom!
Dirk Jr 2: Dad's Home!
Queen: Daphne!
Dirk Jr 3: Look at that!